A memorial for TorAa’s son Ruben

My faithful readers know this is a very special day since I was at my good friend and colleague TorAa son’s funeral. Tor himself announced Ruben’s death a week ago and today he told me it was good therapy for him. He said his openness to blogpshsere has been a comfort also since he got a lot of supportive comments and personal notes from all over the world. So in his spirit and by his request, I’ll give you a short memorandum of the ceremony:

Before all family and friends entered the church, I took a picture of the coffin surrounded by a lot of wreaths and flowers. As I stood there in sadness, I was thinking: ‘This is not right – parents should not have to bury their own son’:

RubenFuneral2008 #1

Outside there was a big crowed who wanted to support the family and give Rubin the last farewell:
RubenFuneral2008 #2 RubenFuneral2008 #4
Left: Before the ceremony – Right: After the ceremony

In the ceremony both Tor and his daughter said a few words. Tor said Ruben had given him a lot of surprises: this was the most unexpected. Ingelin mentioned: Once Ruben proudly came home with his first pay check, he had used all the money to buy his siblings pressents. One could say this is the big hearted Ruben in a nutshell. He was talented in a lot of ways, including writing, music, a great chef and supported societies neediest people. A lot of them were in the church and what touched me the most was the performance from a live band singing Bob Marley’s: ‘Three little birds’ while they carried out the coffin:
RubenFuneral2008 #3
Don’t worry – about a thing – cause every little thing is gonne be all right’

I know that’s not an ordinary song in a funeral, but Robin wasn’t an ordinary man. To me it felt like the most wonderful contribution friends could ever give in a moment like this!

After the funeral, we all went to a restaurant for a memorial gathering. The family wanted everyone to bring their wreaths and flowers and they were set up in a room for a condolence protocol.
RubenFuneral2008 #5
I wrote: ‘Dear Ruben – Rest in Peace. From all your father TorAa’s BlogFriends all over the world.’

Like I’ve said: Tor wanted me to post this and sent the following message to his blog friends: ‘I’m okay and I’m pleased for all your support and also surprisingly glad there was so many of Rubin’s friends in the church. It shows he had a big network and meant a lot to many people‘.

For all who haven’t been there already: Please visit Tor’s last post and give him and the family a supportive comment!

34 Comments

  1. oh my. I am lost for words.
    My deepest and sincerest sympathy for Tor and his family.

    RennyBA
    On behalf of Tor: Thanks Duke!

  2. I have written several times to Tor and Anna. You know how touched I am by this. I find the tears come all too easily for me. No, you should never have to bury your child.
    Than you for going to the service, Renny. I wish I could also have gone.

    RennyBA
    I know you have been very supportive Maribeth and also you know Tor appreciate it very much. No doubt your present in spirit was felt by Tor and Anna!

  3. renny, thank you for sharing this with us and for including the blog community in the comments you wrote in the memorial book. while we may not be able to be present in body it is nice to know you thought to represent us all in this way. truly it is not the natural order of things for a parent to bury a child. my heart just goes out to tor and his family in their time of loss. ruben sounds like he was a unique and wonderful man and that in addition to his family and friends, his wider community is poorer for his loss.

    RennyBA
    To be able to represent you and the rest of Tor and Anna’s blog friends was a pleasure Lime. Never have I felt stronger in my comfort to him when I said: ‘There are a lot of people all over the world thinking of you today!’
    Your so right: It was a great loss for a lot of people.

  4. Renny: I know you are both a blog-friend and a personal friend to Tor and his family.
    I was thinking about Tor and his family today. I am so pleased that you included the world-wide blog community on your message of condolence with the flowers. Thank you for showing us the Kampen kirke, and the flowers at “Lompa”.
    Tor has a very good friend in you, Renny.

    RennyBA
    We are and I proudly represented Blogsphere on the funeral, knowing there is hundreds all over the world supporting Tor and his family.
    Likewise: I have a good friend in Tor :-)

  5. So touching…. I’m glad that there were so many good friends. *sigh*

    RennyBA
    Touching yes; one of the strongest experience in my life.

  6. My dear friend, God bless you for this post.
    It’s so heart-warming –
    – just now, after returning from the end of the ceremony – when we did place all the Flowers and lit up candless in the old Oslo memorial park – with hugs from Rubens hundreds of friends – then I Realized the fact. Ruben is dead. That’s hard.

    Renny,
    thank you for this wonderful tribute to Ruben

    RennyBA
    Your welcome dear friend and it was good for me to tell the blog world too you know. I knew a lot of people was thinking of you this day and I was glad I could give them something back for all their support.
    Yea Tor, Ruben is dead, but the memories are still there and you got great prove today of how many people he have helped during his life!

  7. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I feel like I was able to be there with Tor and his family as I was already there in spirit. my heartfelt condolences go out to them all.

    RennyBA
    I was hoping so, so thanks for telling you got the spirit!

  8. Thanks Renny for representing blogger friends of Tor to be there in his moment of grief.

    My deepest condolences to Tor and his family.

    RennyBA
    It was an honour representing you and the rest of the Blogsphere.
    Thanks for hopping over and comment on Tors too!

  9. Thanks for sharing the ceremony and for allowing us to be present through you and your flowers.
    That’s a marvellous song, Ruben certainly was a very special person… only the good die young…

    RennyBA
    Your welcome Mar and you know I felt fare from alone, but with a strong supporting blogger crowed behind me – thanks!
    It was a great song and today Tor told me it prevent him from crying when he carried out the coffin in the church.

  10. Hello Renny!

    I don’t know Tor and his son but I still would like to say my condolence to the whole family.
    May Tor’s son Ruben rest in peace. God bless him!

    I might as well visit his site to give my sympathy.

    RennyBA
    Thanks for hopping over to Tor and tell him too – very nice of you Sofie!

  11. Very tastefully done, a good memorial to Ruben and a healing gift to Tor, I hope!

    RennyBA
    I hope so too dear – well, actually I know as he just called me and told me so.

  12. Thank you very much Renny to let us participate at this sad funeral. This is a very nice gesture of you. I just wrote a little mail to Tor because I didn’t now how he would react. I belong to the people who in a deep sorrow, rather hide in a black hole and don’t want to hear anything. Now I am sure that I can write him.
    In Belgium there is no “funeral” music any more. Each person can choose his own music, from classical to Elvis Presley. The most important is, that the person who died loved it.

    RennyBA
    Thats at least what I could do and Tor wanted it this way too you know. Glad you’ve been over to support Tor too – thanks!
    I do agree and I strongly felt this song was Rubens.

  13. I was there in spirit, if not in body. I’m so glad you were able to be there, and to represent the blogosphere. I was completely shocked when I heard the news last week – it puts all sorts of trivialities into perspective.

    RennyBA
    Thanks A. and it was a great comfort for Tor to know the whole world was!

  14. My heart is in Norway, with you all. thanks for sharing, thanks for the blogcommunity. My prayers are for Tor and family. Nice to see how Ruben was estimated by his friends.

    RennyBA
    Thanks and your welcome – it was an honour to represent you all!

  15. I’m so sorry! :(

    RennyBA
    Thanks for stopping by and telling!

  16. Thank you for sharing this with us, Renny! I knew about and I was there in my mind to support Tor in those sad moments.

    RennyBA
    Your welcome and thanks for your participation too!

  17. oh my God…I cant stop myself from crying right now…My heart is on Tor…I’ve been here for a couple of minutes, lost my words..I really don’t know what to say.

    It must be painful for a parent to lose a child..,it is supposed to be the other way around…but no one can predict the future…nobody knows…

    Tor is very proud to have a friend like you Renny. In behalf of his blog friends,you did all the support,you delegated all of us so I would like to thank you.

    RennyBA
    I know its hard to find words – but mind you: Tor feel all the support and participation!

  18. I know how close you and Tor are. I’m sure he appreciates this very, very much. Having a great friend is indeed a blessing. I love you both. :)

    RennyBA
    We are and it was good for me to be there for Tor and the family too – thanks for your warm thoughts!

  19. Thank you Renny for ‘representing’ all blog pals from all over the world. Yes, may he rest in peace and glad to know that TorAa is taking it well. We wish you well too.

    RennyBA
    It was an honour Shionge and thanks for your support!

  20. I read this post with tears in my eyes Renny …
    I am so sorry for Tor and his family….and
    your tribute is beautiful …a visual and enduring gesture of friendship……
    my heart goes out to all those who have suffered this tragic loss…

    RennyBA
    Thanks Kim – your such a supportive and great blog friend!

  21. I think it’s so wonderful how much support is all around!

    RennyBA
    It was a great comfort to Tor and the family!

  22. I also think it is ironic that you wrote this post on memorial day in the states.

    RennyBA
    I do agree ET.

  23. Thanks so much for the pictures and this post about TorAa’s sons Funeral….It must have been truly lovely and so moving, too….It made me feel I was there in Spirit to see the inside of The Church and the Coffin, etc. Your a good and loving friend to dear Tor and Anna and their family.

    RennyBA
    Your welcome Naomi – it was a special and strong experience – glad I could share the spirit.

  24. You are a very thoughtful person! Thank you for sending the special message from the blogosphere to Ruben. We are all here for Tor and his family sending out the good vibes always.

    RennyBA
    Thanks SwordMama – it was a strong experience and an honour to be a blogsphere represent. Thanks for your warm thoughts.

  25. Hey Renny,

    It was a beautiful ceremony (judging by the pics displayed here)! Sounds like Ruben was a very interesting human being, and the world lost a precious fellow human.
    Your message to him was so kind and full of love, (this may sound odd but) thank you!

    I will drop by Tor’s blog now…
    Cheers

    RennyBA
    I’m glad you got the spirit too and your welcome!
    Thanks for visiting Tor and leave a supporting too!

  26. Thank you for sharing this with the blogging community during this extremely difficult time in Anna and Tor’s lives. I’m glad that you could be there to support the family.

    RennyBA
    Your welcome – and thanks for your support too!

  27. I couldn’t stop crying reading this awful tragedy Renny. right, parents are not supposed to bury their children. My heart goes out to Tor and his family and my prayers are with them at this difficult time.

    RennyBA
    Thinking of what you have been going trough, this was very nice of you Pearl!

  28. Thank you so much for representing us collectively ar the funeral. I know it meant a lot to Tor. I’m so glad you have become such good friends with him and can actually be there for him. he wil need continued support and an ear to listen to him. A very unusual post for anyone to do but somehow it suited perfectly and we continued to learn the customs of Norway.

  29. I am so glad you were able to be there for Tor and Anna, Renny. You represented all of us bloggers around the world. Thank you!

  30. This is so sad, but Tor and Anna are so lucky to have you and Diane. I would thank you for your wonderful friendship now and for especially in this difficult time. Cuddos to you!

    Gretchen

  31. I left Tor a message on his blog. The least I can do. You’re so right that a parent shouldn’t bury his/her child. Ruben was from my birthyear… I’ve lit a candle for him and sent comforting and healing vibes to his family to find a way to leave with this loss.
    Thank you for this post, it moved me to tears.

  32. Oh RennyBA, that was lovely.

  33. I “met” Tor once when he visited my blog a couple of months ago. I was sorry to hear about Ruben. Thank your for a very moving post.

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